want to play couple's therapist?

Middle is waiting for an invitation that is supposed to come today.  He desperately wants this invitation and has worked incredibly hard to get it.  He is hopeful, nervous, and excited - all very appropriate feelings.

Mate and I, however, are total wrecks.

I know there are many things more difficult than fearing your child will be rejected, but right now I can't think of any. 

The invitation, if it comes (please make it come!) will arrive in Middle's email. Since I am the resident IT maven around here and set up everyone's email accounts, I happen to be in possession of Middle's username/password combo.

Mate, whose normally unflappable self has been replaced, in this situation, with something akin to a Victorian lady who spends a lot of time on her fainting couch, wants us to check Middle's email on a regular basis today. 

I am resisting the idea.

I have tried to talk my way into agreeing with my Mate.  I mean, if I know in advance what the outcome is, won't I be better able to help him with his feelings?  If it's bad news, I can work through my own disappointment on his behalf, right?  And then be there for him when he hears the bad news?

I'd like to say my resistance comes from my commitment to mother less.  I mean, I can't really hold my head up with all of you if I'm going around checking my kid's email on a regular basis because I can't stand the thought of him being rejected.   

I'd like to say the resistance comes from my awareness that the true job of mothering in these situations is being a home for the feelings my child will have at the end of the day - whatever they are.  But (can you see me hanging my head in shame, here?) it's not that either.

The bald truth is that I don't want to check his email for fear of jinxing him.

OK, This is where you get to play couple's therapist:

Comments

[Imperatrix]

I had to vote as OTHERT because I didn't like hte innuendo you put on your other choices. My answer is:

DON'T DO IT!!!!!

I don't know if this is what you're talking about, but my mother opened all my college acceptances and rejections, and sometimes even told me what the answer was over the phone when I would call to say I was ready to be picked up (if I happened to be out on that day).

It was terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible.

it sucked.

I still hven't gotten over it.

I still don't trust my mother.

I still don't trust my mother.

You deserve better than that.

Middle deserves better than that.

Stand firm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Imperatrix]

[Did I make myself clear, or was I maybe a tad too subtle?

;-) ]

[robin]

No, don't do it. Deal with the situation when it arises. Step AWAY from the computer & take a nice walk somewhere.

[Annika]

I voted for you to get a life, but I mean it in the NICEST POSSIBLE WAY.

[flutter]

No. It's not your invitation to receive.

[Laura/centerdownmom]

Oh, don't know if I'm too late, and I do hope Middle got the invite.

I think you should not check. I HOPE I would not check, but I've done that kind of thing before. I (purposely)lingered around the judges' table at an art show my daughter was in when she was a teen and heard them say her name. I could barely contain myself, and then when SHE was surprised to win something, I felt like I cheated. Yuck, blecch, uck.

Hope you don't, but understand if you do.

[Valle]

I also voted no (but I know you already have a life!)...if you read it, you'd have to admit it, then he wouldn't trust you. If you read him and didn't tell him, you'd be lying, and that can't feel right.

Go with your instinct -- you are right.

[The End of Motherhood?]

Update. We did NOT check. He has not heard yet. Arghhhh.

Thanks to all of you. What a good, sane group to have in my corner. Not a single vote to be nosy, intrusive and overly invested!

[Emily R]

Just catching up. My aunt used to open my college acceptances, among other mail. It was a total invasion of my space.

[slouching mom]

no. and i voted no, but i DON'T think you need to get a life. or pharmaceuticals, LOL!

[Laura B.]

I would have been worried about jinxing too, and wouldn't have done it for just that reason!