Middle is waiting for an invitation that is supposed to come today. He desperately wants this invitation and has worked incredibly hard to get it. He is hopeful, nervous, and excited - all very appropriate feelings.
Mate and I, however, are total wrecks.
I know there are many things more difficult than fearing your child will be rejected, but right now I can't think of any.
The invitation, if it comes (please make it come!) will arrive in Middle's email. Since I am the resident IT maven around here and set up everyone's email accounts, I happen to be in possession of Middle's username/password combo.
Mate, whose normally unflappable self has been replaced, in this situation, with something akin to a Victorian lady who spends a lot of time on her fainting couch, wants us to check Middle's email on a regular basis today.
I am resisting the idea.
I have tried to talk my way into agreeing with my Mate. I mean, if I know in advance what the outcome is, won't I be better able to help him with his feelings? If it's bad news, I can work through my own disappointment on his behalf, right? And then be there for him when he hears the bad news?
I'd like to say my resistance comes from my commitment to mother less. I mean, I can't really hold my head up with all of you if I'm going around checking my kid's email on a regular basis because I can't stand the thought of him being rejected.
I'd like to say the resistance comes from my awareness that the true job of mothering in these situations is being a home for the feelings my child will have at the end of the day - whatever they are. But (can you see me hanging my head in shame, here?) it's not that either.
The bald truth is that I don't want to check his email for fear of jinxing him.
OK, This is where you get to play couple's therapist: