Motherhood really is ending (though Youngest still reminds me that he will be home for two, yes, two more years and thus it is not ending right this minute).
As you can see, I have not been here since, oh, this IS embarrassing, too many months to actually count.
I loved doing this blog. Why did I stop?
Well, it occurred to me today that, though I didn't know it, I was feeling constrained by the conventional wisdom that one's blog needs to be a "niche" of some sort. I love being a mother and sometimes I want to blog about it but I DO have other things going on in my life (shocking, I know, but true) and I felt that every post here had to be about the mothering and nothing but the mothering and so.....
But I'm back long enough to tell you (Is anybody here...here...here....here...here.....?) that, though I have a new post in mind about watching my children sleep, I am no longer interested in being a niche.
It is 7:23 AM. Upper School Parent Day starts in less than an hour.
I am happily working at my computer when Mate stumbles in, bleary eyed. He had the post-movie pickup duty last night...
Mate: So, what are we doing?
Me: About what?
Mate: Upper School Parent Day.
Me: You are NOT actually considering not going?
Mate: We've met two of his teachers already!
Me: (Torn) We have NEVER missed one before.
Mate: I think we would grow as people if we lived in the anxiety of not going.
Me: (Laughing). No, seriously. Isn't it a dereliction of duty to not go?
Me: I'm waiting.
Mate: I know. I'm thinking.
Mate: I don't know. I think there are a lot of ways to be a slacker as a parent, but missing a ten minute synopsis of Life Skills is not one of them.
Me: It's true that I never actually learn that much at these things and there is no time...
Mate: (Interrupting) Would your mother go?
Me: I doubt it.
Mate: Look how well you turned out.
Me: (Looking at him disbelievingly - he has conveniently forgotten all those years of therapy) ... it's true there is no time to actually talk to the teachers so in a way, I go as much to BE SEEN than I do to get anything out of it. I don't want to be seen as a slacker mother and have some vain hope that the teachers will pay more attention to Youngest if I show up.
Mate: I don't think he needs our help in that area.
This is very true.
Me: Don't you have some sense of obligation?
Mate: Yes, I do. But I am fighting it with every fiber of my being. Because I'd rather stay home and work.
Me: (Conflicted) ARGH!
Help us, dear readers-if-there-are-any-of-you-still-out-there, you're our only hope. What should we do?
PS Since I am clearly abandoning my youngest for the joys of my newest pursuit, come see how great it is...
"I gave up on the scanner system. Mine is too slow. I'm going back to paper and binder...old school."
Would it kill him to revert to old school communication techniques like, say, the telephone?
My chicks are abandoning the nest with alarming regularity, so I need a new baby. Got one.
This didn't get me a response from Middle. So now I'm gonna bring out the, uh, big guns.
Today I sent him this:
We have not heard much from Middle. At all.
He doesn't phone. He doesn't text. God forbid he should email.
Unless he wants something, of course.
So I am on the hunt to find things that will elicit a little contact.
I am going to start by sending him this.
Now that my chicks are flying the coop at an alarming rate, I've had to, well, replace them. Please come see my new baby and help her grow.
An email from Oldest arrived in my inbox today...
What does it take to get a boy who grows up to be a man ( a Senior in college!) that is this sweet?
I really can't tell you.
All I know is that, if you are very lucky, there comes a moment when all the long days of loving, worrying, fussing, stroking, laughing, yelling, tickling, scolding, tousling, hugging and singing, the long days of talking and listening, of holding on and letting go, they all find their way back to you and slip, an unexpected guest who knows and loves you back, inside your heart.